Working Out

I did Zumba today and I was terrible. I think I have two left feet. I mean, I think I'm okay with just dancing like whatever at a club. It's choreography that I just can't seem to follow. It was so embarrassing! Plus, I forgot to wear a sports bra and the girls were just all over the place. My two big toes are sore, too. It's from constantly hitting the inside of my sneakers. My toes don't hurt when I'm on the treadmill, so I don't know why my toes hurt so much after Zumba. I imagine tennis players have the same problem with the running and sudden stopping. I wonder how they manage their toes. Tape? 

I'm seriously impressed by people who have like 5% body fat. I also think that they're crazy. I don't know how they're so disciplined to have such rock hard bodies. Show me a cupcake and I'll inhale it. I don't give a crap. I want it, I'll eat it. And that's why I'm not toned. I just like my sweets. I do think that I could have a good body if I just worked out a little bit. It's not difficult for me to lose weight. It's the motivation that gets me. I'll get into working out for maybe a month or two and then I just slowly lose interest and gain some of the weight back. 

I don't know how people run. I will never get into it. I'll walk, but I just can't seem to get into running. How do you do marathons? How do you finish it in one day? I'd be dying after mile three. Some people absolutely love running. What is wrong with you? Is there some kind of secret? Am I missing something? 

Do you know what I miss doing? I miss swimming. I wish I could find a pool that isn't crowded and full of urine. Actually, I need a swimsuit. I don't even have one. All my bikinis and swimsuits are in storage. Ah, my life is in storage, far away in Long Island. I miss my shoes, clothes, and purses. 

Anyway, I want to go swimming, but I'm way too self-conscious in a swimsuit. I hate my cellulite and stretch marks. I used to be really skinny up until maybe my mid-20s. That's when my metabolism started to slow down and I couldn't eat just whatever I wanted like I used to. I seriously could eat whatever, not exercise, and not gain a pound. Sigh, to be young again. Because of that, I've gained and lost weight quickly. As a result, I've gotten hideous stretch marks on my butt. I'm SO self-conscious about that area. It makes me feel so ugly, and it's not like you can exercise them off. 

I really shouldn't complain because it's not like I'm seriously overweight, but I've always been body-conscious even when I was young and very skinny. I refuse to wear tight clothing because I just don't want to be sucking in my stomach all the time. Muffintop isn't sexy, you know. I do see some plus-size women who walk around in tight clothes, but they seem confident and don't care about what other people think. I have to envy that kind of confidence. I wish I didn't care what people thought. Life would be so much easier. 

I'm going to try to be more active and really tone up. My brother's wedding is coming up and I need to get in shape. The dress I want to buy is very body-conscious and not very forgiving. I'm hoping I'll be able to fit into it and look good. Wish me luck.

Oh, and feel free to leave any comments. It would be nice to see who actually reads my blog. So far, I feel like I'm just talking to myself. But you know what? I'm perfectly fine with that. Writing out my thoughts and feelings is pretty therapeutic for me. Having a supportive audience would be a bonus.