Regret

I read a quote somewhere about wishing life was written in pencil so you could go back and erase your mistakes and have a do-over. How I wish that were true. I've made some very stupid choices in my life that I regret terribly. Some people say that they have no regrets. I have many. 

A lot of dumb choices I've made have come from the fact that I care way too much. I wish I could go back to my 20-year old self and change everything. I believe that if I chose a different path, my life would be very different right now. But why do I even linger on that? It's not like it will change anything. I guess it's one of the biggest regrets of my life and I often wonder "what if?" 

I regret usually being the one who cares more in a relationship. I regret giving people too many chances when time and time again, they disappoint me. I regret not having a solid career. I regret my failed friendships. I regret not having a family at my age. I regret not having more friends. I regret doing things out of anger. I regret, I regret, I regret. 

So, what should I do? Maybe I should stop regretting. What good does that do? Maybe a lot of the things I have done aren't regrettable. Why should I regret caring when it was sincere and from my heart? At least I know that I never played around with people's feelings or intentionally hurt anybody. The few people I care about are special to me and if you take me for granted, then perhaps you'll be the one regretting. 

I mean, I still do regret some major things in my life. I don't think that will ever change. I just need to stop being so hard on myself. It's so difficult, though. I'll probably even regret writing this and making it public. However, I really needed to get it out of my system. It's not like I wrote anything profound or really meaningful to anybody, but I feel a little better now. 

I promise that my future entries will be less depressing. I was just feeling a bit down and needed to write about it. I promise to write more about chocolate, brownies, shoes, dogs, and everything else that I love. I know that I will never regret eating chocolate. Never.